My Drinking Contract

I'm not sure why I drink, I tend to feel more depressed and even though I'm pretty logical, I continue to drink. This is my contract with myself.

I, the undersigned, vow to never let alcohol touch my lips ALONE from the 07/01/13 until the 07/03/13. If I were ever to make this horrible, terrible and self destructive action that I will donate $100 to a charity of my choice.

I however, give myself permission to have a maximum of 1 beer with friends with dinner etc, in a circumstance where it is acceptable. Anything beer in excess of 1 beer will be a $25 donation to charity.

I have decided to that I will be allowed to drink on holidays (outside of my city) and Australia day (26th Jan) without penalty, as long as I'm not alone.

Signed,

Anonymous xx


(I know, I should have promised for my life but I need baby steps at the moment)... Do you guys think this will work or not?? :( ... 

Feeling more motivated

Today is a (relatively) good day. I met my housemate at the clinic and we moved in together so we are now each others support system, and I'm glad that I don't live alone anymore. I also had my close friends around last night which made me feel a little better.

I'm feeling okay, kind of like crying all the time but compared to how I usually feel it's not too bad. I'm an out-patient at the clinic because I find some sessions in therapy helpful (better than nothing). I'm booked in for an intensive CBT 2 week course in a few weeks which I hope I'll find useful. I'm still seeing my psychotherapist twice a week too.

I'm also planning to go to a domestic abuse support group but I just have to wait until they re-open for the new year. It's hard to admit but my ex was very emotionally abusive, manipulative and sometimes physically abusive that I never dealt with. I've only found FAIR from Relationships Australia so I'll check them out.

I still wish I didn't exist and I still have suicidal thoughts, but I'm trying to push through. I don't have anything today for the weekend so I'm a little worried I'll just mope around the house, so I need to find something to keep me busy.  I feel like I've got more motivation today to get rid of this stupid depression.

I'm just worried about the future, what if I want to get fucked up tonight.. or feel horrible tomorrow.. I just hope I can get through it