So at 4am and countless thoughts running through my mind, I've decided to start a blog. Where to begin? I'm posting anonymously because many of my friends and family are unaware of my problems. I'm a 23 year old girl who has been battling severe depression since my mid-teens. From the outside, no one could ever guess that I'm suffering, especially my family.
I have been going to therapy on and off since I was diagnosed, and I was hospitalised when I was 19 for self harming and suicidal tendencies. I feel like I've been through or am going through everything that comes along with depression: self-harming, alcohol abuse, eating problems and drug use.
I go to great lengths to conceal my sickness and however illogical that I know this is, I can't seem to stop. I'm an expert at concealing my emotions to protect others from the hell and suffering that is within my head. I don't want anyone to know that I'm sad because I don't feel like I have the right to be depressed. I have so much to be grateful for, and yet I choose to self destruct.
Ever since I was young, I never told others if I was hurt or sad.. I just dealt with it myself. I don't want to burden others with what I feel are insignificant problems. Lately I've realised that I lack the capacity to talk to people about how I feel, and so I have become increasingly isolated and lonely.
I feel like there is a constant struggle between the logical side in my head, which tells me everything I know to be correct, and my depression. Does anyone else feel like this? Or am I more alone than even I thought..
I have been going to therapy on and off since I was diagnosed, and I was hospitalised when I was 19 for self harming and suicidal tendencies. I feel like I've been through or am going through everything that comes along with depression: self-harming, alcohol abuse, eating problems and drug use.
I go to great lengths to conceal my sickness and however illogical that I know this is, I can't seem to stop. I'm an expert at concealing my emotions to protect others from the hell and suffering that is within my head. I don't want anyone to know that I'm sad because I don't feel like I have the right to be depressed. I have so much to be grateful for, and yet I choose to self destruct.
Ever since I was young, I never told others if I was hurt or sad.. I just dealt with it myself. I don't want to burden others with what I feel are insignificant problems. Lately I've realised that I lack the capacity to talk to people about how I feel, and so I have become increasingly isolated and lonely.
I feel like there is a constant struggle between the logical side in my head, which tells me everything I know to be correct, and my depression. Does anyone else feel like this? Or am I more alone than even I thought..
